The Soda Jerk

 Soda-pop, bubbly, fizzy, soft drinks, whatever you call them... I LOVE them. Let's just get that out of the way first. I do love them, but I'm quitting. Again. For the 8th or 9th time in my adult life. That's right, no more Dr. Pepper, no more RedBull, no more Cokes or energy drinks or delicious frozen Slurpees made from the syrup. That's right, I'm making a change for the better. And this time it's going to be permanent. It's not easy, and many who try give up, including me in the past. But this time it's different, I swear it! From now on, any time my hand starts to reach for my drinkable drug of choice, I'm doing the Soda Jerk! It's this great new dance I just made up where you abruptly yank your hand back from that soda you're about to grab like you just touched a hot stove. Reach out for that Coke, pull your hand back quick! JERK, JERK, JERK!!!      

So, how did I get to this point? Let's start with a few anecdotes about my lifelong liquid love affair. Like most unhealthy habits, it probably started at home. Papa always had plenty of pop in the icebox, and while we weren't allowed to imbibe freely at mealtime, I don't remember a time when I didn't see at least two 2-liter bottles in the fridge. His preferred pop? Shasta brand Sparkling Black Cherry Soda, ideally in a glass bottle the way it was meant to be consumed. Very hard to find these days, but he was a connoisseur of fine phosphorescence, and like most good fathers, he passed his passion on to his first-born son. So... thanks, I think?

 In 1891 a small bottling company in  Dublin, Texas began producing and distributing a beverage created by a pharmacist named Charles Alderton from the nearby town of Waco. It was called Dr. Pepper, and until 2012, Dublin Bottling Works continued to produce the original recipe "Dublin Dr. Pepper," which used cane sugar instead of the less expensive corn syrup alternative. They only sold the concoction in single-serving 8oz. glass bottles, and every time I got ahold of some there would be several 6-packs in my fridge. I found a place I could buy them in SoCal called Galco's Old World Grocery. A store that specializes in glass-bottled sodas of many flavors from all over the world. If you're curious, you can check out their website here: http://www.galcos.com/ Even now looking at pictures of these 10/2/4 bottles (part of the original marketing strategy) evokes feelings of nostalgia and appreciation for the 23 flavors, of which - NO - prune is not one.

For a while during college I worked for MTV/VH1 as a production assistant on their live productions and awards shows. It was a lot of fun, and carried with it many perks, including free promotional items. This was circa 2001, and RedBull had recently launched their aggressive U.S. marketing program which included product reps driving around in promo vehicles delivering free, ice-cold cans of what promised to give us "wings" to sporting events and festivals. I can imagine their marketing execs sitting around a table and plotting "How can we get everybody hooked on this stuff? How about we give it away for free, and then we'll have a country of energy drink addicts who are loyal to our brand!" Aaaaaaand that's exactly what they did. At one awards show I remember that we had so many cases of donated RedBull in the event office that we were able to build a castle wall out of them, complete with turrets. Can you guess who got to take the leftovers home with them afterwards? That's right, the PA's! I didn't even have milk or fresh vegetables in the fridge during undergrad, but I had a constantly replenishing stack of RedBull cases in the apartment that we used as an extra piece of furniture. I know it's an acquired taste for some, but I would even drink RedBull just for the flavor. The marketing strategy worked, and I loved every can I drank for over a decade.

By now you might be thinking "Gee whiz, for someone who's making a statement about quitting soda, he's sure gushing a lot about how much he loves this stuff!" And I get it, but there's a point. I want you to see that my affinity towards the fizz has been a proactive pursuit. Something I sought after because I appreciated it more than the average American. I hereby swear that I have not taken one swallow for granted. In fact, I have reveled in the fact that I was raised in a time and a place where we can afford to have a bottle of Coke at dinner (or lunch, or between meals, or during fourth meal, or while driving down a freeway towards anywhere we want to visit.) It is a symbol of prosperity, a symbol of opportunity, of freedom to choose, of innovation, of the pursuit of happiness even. I mean just turn on the TV - sharing a Coke with someone else has become a symbol for the American Dream! (Yes, I just made a patriotic statement with colored sugar-water.)

So how, with all my history, with all my appreciation for flavor innovation, could I willingly abandon this delicious delight to wither and die alone as a mere memory that once tempted my taste buds? It's not complicated. I don't need to write an essay about the downsides of consuming soft drinks or supporting the soda industry. [But here are a few items that a research-inclined individual might Google on this subject: High fructose corn syrup, GMO, refined sugars, petroleum-based artificial food colors, daily caloric intake, caffeine, why is soda bad for you, artificial sweeteners in diet sodas, causes for obesity, phosphoric acid and osteoporosis.] No, I won't do that, I'm not here to preach. Simply put, I know I'm better off without it. Will it be easy? Nope. Will I suffer debilitating side effects from its ingredients tomorrow if I don't give it up? Probably not. Will I immediately become the model of human fitness by quitting? Not a chance. But I do know that making this single, simple decision, repeatedly over time could play a large part in my overall health in the long run. And personally, I'd like to be here for the long run, so this one's a no-brainer. Remember, the fuel you put in the vehicle will determine the length and quality of its performance. Everyone do it with me - Reach out for that Coke, pull your hand back quick! JERK, JERK, JERK!!!

 

Let's get back on the Highway...